What Your Toothpaste Brand Says About You

We subscribe to the old gnawed-on birch twig and saliva method of dental hygiene, but we hear this stuff called toothpaste is really catching on. Some people swear by it! Not only does dentifrice seem to fight plaque, whiten smiles, and keep people in conversation with you from gagging, but it also speaks volumes about its user’s personality. For example, if you use: Crest, you are a conformist and/or very short. Your favorite deli meat is turkey. You voted for Jacob Lusk on the last episode of American Idol. Your favorite color is blue. You were born in a warm month. You took piano lessons as a kid but gave them up for team sports in middle school. You have a dazzlingly white smile.

Colgate, you are popular. You tell funny jokes. You have bangs but are growing them out. You smell like peanut butter when you sweat. You got a B in Algebra. The last book you read was Wuthering Heights. You are freakishly good at Guitar Hero. You speak some Spanish. You have a little brother, a big sister and a medium-sized fish. You have no cavities.

Aquafresh, you are a rebel. You own eight pairs of Chucks. You subscribe to Wired magazine but never end up reading it. Your favorite dessert is key lime pie. Your ancestors are Eastern European. You get cold easily. You’re good at math. You like the smell of gasoline and the taste of sand. Your breath smells surprisingly minty.

Arm & Hammer, you are a dude (even if you’re a girl). You say you like dogs but secretly prefer cats. You make very good scrambled eggs. You can name all 50 state capitals. You’re good at bowling. You like butter-flavored popcorn, but not butter. You are not very good with directions. Your mom’s name is Melinda. Your gums are pink.

Tom’s of Maine, you are a hippie. You are a good baker. You smell like lavender. People look up to you, but you don’t know it. You once nursed a baby raccoon back to health and kept it as a pet. You like your mustard hot. You originally bought Tom’s because you thought it was made by the same guy who makes the shoes. Your teeth work well.

Sensodyne, you are a delicate flower. Some might call you a weenie, but really you are just a sensitive soul. You have tried Tai Chi. You prefer Coldplay’s earlier work. You once made yourself sick on Krispy Kreme donuts. You have not eaten them since. You just broke up with your SO, but don’t worry—you’ll get back together. You don’t cry at the dentist’s office anymore.

Oral-B, you are a future dentist. You subscribe to the International Journal of Dental Hygiene. You have an electric toothbrush. You like needles. You might need to clip your nose hairs. Your favorite Stooge is Moe. You are good with a baton. You floss every day, twice a day.

Pepsodent, you live in the 1950s. In the year 2167, you traveled back in time on a fact-finding mission for the Intergalactic Dental Association and decided to stay there. You are, however, vacationing in 2011 and brought your toothpaste with you.

What toothpaste do you use? What does it reveal about you?

source: “What Your Toothpaste Brand Says About You.” community.sparklenotes.com. Sparklenotes, April. 2011. Web. Jan. 7th, 2017.

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